


Live

by redcandle17



Series: Magnetic [2]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:03:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12287970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcandle17/pseuds/redcandle17
Summary: Abigail wants to reallylive. Billy needs an emotional life preserver. They get what they need from each other.





	Live

The storm was the wrath of God for their sins, or so one particularly pious sailor claimed. Abigail had experienced storms at sea before, but the storms the _Good Fortune_ had weathered on her first journey across the ocean had been comparatively mild and short. This was something else. The torrent from the sky lasted a day, the seas churning violently all the while. 

They were sure to die. 

Mrs. Winters kept struggling back to her knees, no matter how the ship was tossed about by the waves, praying to God to forgive her sins. At first she’d entreated Abigail to join her, but she’d given up and focused her attention on her own soul. 

Dina rued aloud the day she took employment in Abigail’s service, and vowed never to step aboard a ship again should she survive this voyage. 

Abigail herself could only think that her life was soon to be over and she’d never truly lived it. She’d only gone through the motions, or more accurately, been carried along a path chosen by others.  She wanted to see the truth of the world with her own eyes, to explore and to discover and to know. 

She wanted to see far off lands she’d only heard of. She wanted to take a good look at England and see those places and people she’d seen but never really looked at before. 

And she wanted to experience the feelings she felt towards Billy Bones to their natural and full conclusion. 

When the storm finally calmed, a pair of sailors came to check on the passengers. He was one of them, and even now Abigail found herself marveling at the beauty of his strong jaw shadowed by a couple of days’ worth of beard. 

“Everyone alright?”

“We survived,” Mrs. Winters answered wearily. “I was certain we would sink. That was surely the worst storm that any ship has ever survived."

An odd look crossed Billy’s face. “Actually I’ve experienced worse.”

Abigail wanted to know more, but he didn’t elaborate. 

That night, all night, she thought about how close she’d come to death, and about her life, and about Billy, and she could not sleep. 

The ship had lost its fresh water during the storm, so they could not continue directly to London. The captain took harbor at the first port, and informed them that they would be there until the following day. Abigail took pity on Dina and decided they would lodge at an inn for the night, giving her a reprieve from the rocking of the ship that had made the poor girl so miserable for the past weeks. They would all appreciate a chance at a better meal than the ones they’d been served on the _Merry May_ too.

Although Mrs. Winters did look askance when Abigail instructed her to rent the three of them separate rooms. 

“Forgive me, but I think we could all use some space of our own after our enclosure together these past two months.”

Mrs. Winters nodded and did as Abigail had bid her, though undoubtedly she would have resisted most vigorously if she knew what Abigail intended to do.

~

He recognized the handwriting and even if he had not, there was no one else here to be sending him notes addressed to ‘William’. What Billy could not fathom was why Abigail Ashe had sent him another note. If she had changed her mind about keeping his past identity a secret, surely she wouldn’t be so foolish as to inform him. He stared at the folded page for a long time, dreading its possible content, until the memory of another folded page he’d once been handed rose to torment him.

If he’d told the truth then, if he hadn’t lied in support of Flint, so much horror would have been averted. Or perhaps it would have led to different horrors. He’d debated this with himself many, many times, and he forced the subject aside now by unfolding this note and reading it. 

_Will you visit me? I have a private room on the second floor of the Widow’s Keep inn, at the end of the east wing._

It was not signed. 

Billy read the words a second time and then a third, but they remained baffling. For what possible reason could she have issued him an invitation to her room? Besides _that_ reason, which could not possibly be the reason. Whatever it was, it could not possibly end well for him. 

He was in England. He didn’t truly need the _Merry May_ any longer. Abandoning the ship now would mean forfeiting his wages, but his back was strong and he could make his way to London overland, trading labor for food and a roof to sleep beneath until he reached his destination. It would take some time, but he was not in a hurry. He could walk away. 

His curiosity won out over good sense. 

It was immediately apparent that lowly sailors were not welcome in this establishment, so Billy did not hesitate. He swiftly strode through the common room and up the stairs as if he had every right to be there. He rapped sharply on the door he’d been directed to. 

Abigail Ashe opened it and wordlessly gestured him in. Once he’d stepped inside, she quickly closed the door. And barred it shut. 

Billy felt his eyebrows raise. He looked at her without voicing the obvious question.

“I thought it a good precaution,” she explained. Her face was red and she looked quite nervous. 

“Against?”

“Censure.”

His presence in this room alone with her would indeed be enough to tarnish her reputation in high society. Which begged the question of why she would risk it. “Why did you ask me here?”

“When I saw you on Captain Flint’s ship, I felt something I had never felt before. Nor has anyone else elicited such feelings from me since. I wish to explore the feeling, if you’re amenable.” 

Billy was incredulous. “Are you really that naive? Abigail, to any man it would sound as though you’re offering something I am quite sure you do not intend.”

“Any man who marries me will do so for my inheritance, with no expectation of virtue. Everyone believes I was ravished by pirates.”

“And you would see it made true?!”

~

It seemed Abigail had miscalculated. She’d thought that a pirate would have no care for propriety. Either Billy would want to bed her or he would not; she had not anticipated that he would judge her for it. She was humiliated by his mortification. She wished the floor would open up and swallow her. 

“Oh, no, don’t. Don’t cry.”

Abigail was further appalled with herself. She wiped her eyes, and turned her back to him, trying to regain her composure. She expected to hear Billy leave, but instead his footsteps sounded nearer and then he stopped in front of her. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. 

She let herself relax in his embrace, still deeply embarrassed but greedily savoring the feel of his strong arms around her. It felt every bit as good as she’d dreamed it would. 

“I don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret and I don’t want to be the means of that mistake.”

Abigail tilted her head to look up at him. “I don’t believe I am making a mistake. I believe I am living my life on my own terms. I’d believed it was something a pirate would understand.”

“I see.”

She could feel him stroking her hair. She’d wrapped her arms around his middle at some point, and Abigail squeezed him tighter, melding herself to the warmth and solid strength of him. If this was all she was going to get from him, she was going to enjoy it thoroughly.

~

He most definitely wanted to fuck her, but he was afraid to. He couldn’t bear the thought that she might later regard it - and him - with regret. There wasn’t a lot that Billy Bones hadn’t done, but he’d never despoiled an innocent girl. And this girl and her opinion of him was precious to him.

He couldn’t bear the thought of being the one to ruin her. But he understood her desire to do what she wanted rather than what was dictated by society, especially when society considered her already ruined. 

Billy stood there silently debating with himself, while Abigail held him like she loved him. She didn’t, of course, but it felt good to feel loved. 

** _"And they all believed him?"_

_“I don’t think anyone actually believed it.”_ ** 

There was no one alive who loved him. The last person who’d loved Billy was Jacob, and Jacob was dead because of how badly Billy had miscalculated the depth of Silver’s relationship with Flint. Not even Billy’s own mother would love him if she knew the things he’d done. 

He grasped Abigail’s chin and studied her face. She was looking at him with hope and longing. If she knew just how much innocent blood was on his hands, she wouldn’t want them on her, much less any other part of him.

He could tell her. He could tell her about the dozens of people he’d personally killed, and the scores more who’d died on his orders, all the people he’d forced to choose between the pirate cause and colonial rule. He could tell her what had become of his crew, how he’d shot them like fish in a barrel. She would, no doubt, wrench herself away from him and order him gone from her sight. 

Instead Billy kissed her. Then he told her, “You can change your mind at any time. Just say so and I’ll go.”

~

Abigail couldn’t form words to reply. His kiss had confirmed that she’d made the right decision and she wanted more. She stood on the tip of her toes, but she still couldn’t reach to kiss him again. She slid her hand behind his neck and cupped the back of his head, trying to pull him within reach of her lips. 

He lifted her up and just held her against his body for a moment. Abigail pressed her mouth to his and felt his tongue licking at her lips. She opened her mouth eagerly and mimicked him. 

She was only aware he’d carried her over to the bed when she felt him laying her down upon it. She tugged at his shoulders, try to pull him down flat atop her, wanting to feel his body against her body again. But he braced himself just above her, his arms on either side of her.

“Abigail,” he said, and she didn’t know what else he was going to say and she didn’t care. 

“Take me,” she said. 

“You know there’s no going back from this?”

She nodded. She didn’t care, not in this moment. 

He lifted her up and Abigail held still as he unlaced the back of her gown. When she was out of her gown and her underthings, she didn’t feel embarrassed or the least bit self-conscious. She was too focused on watching Billy undress. 

“You’re beautiful,” she told him.

He chuckled. “I’m supposed to tell you that.” He kissed her forehead. “You are beautiful, Abigail Ashe.”

She would be ruined the moment he entered her and there would be pain, but Abigail found that she didn’t care. She wanted him inside her. “Billy, please.”

He took her, and it did hurt, but even that pain was oddly satisfying. There would be no ‘suitable’ husband; her maidenhood was gone, given to a unpardoned pirate. 

“Are you alright, Abby?”

He’d never called her Abby before. No one called her that but her parents - both gone - and those old friends and relatives who'd known her in childhood. And yet it felt right. 

She nodded, and clenched him tighter in every way. 

He groaned, and then swore. “Fuck.”

And then he _fucked_ her in silence. 

“God, Abby, I’m going to…”

He withdrew from her and spent his seed on her belly. 

Abigail was disappointed, though later she’d realize the wisdom of his action. She’d wanted all of Billy. She pulled him down on top of her.

But that lasted only a moment before he rolled over and pulled her on top of him. “I fucking love you, Abigail Ashe.”

She let herself savor that. She knew that he hadn’t meant it and that he’d disappear from her life, but she could still savor this moment while she could.

~

“Abby?”

She smiled at him, and it was such a sad smile, it made Billy want to kill. He’d killed more men than he’d kept count of in his life, but he’d gladly kill more to make Abigail happy.

“I’m glad it was you, Billy.”

His cock stirred to life again, ready to have her a second time if she’d let him. And only then did Billy realize how selfish he’d been. She hadn’t reached her climax. He owed that to her. Billy reached between them and found the little nub above her cunt. He rubbed it, and Abby sat up, so beautiful astride him. 

“Oh.”

His cock was fully hard and he almost spent himself when she climaxed. 

“Oh God, Billy,” she murmured.

“Ride me,” he urged, but she seemed unsure or unknowing, so he maneuvered her onto his cock and began to thrust up into her. 

“Oh!”

He knew he should pull out of her and spend his seed anywhere but inside her, that he was risking siring a fatherless child, but he couldn’t help himself.

~

If this was sin, it was no wonder they preached so strongly against it. But it was surely a losing battle because no virtue felt as good.

“Do you think badly of me?” she asked later, while she laid boneless atop him.

She felt him caress her back and he kissed her cheek before he answered. “No. I think you’re the best woman who ever lived and I’m happy you’re my woman.”

Abigail couldn’t help the gladness she felt at that. But then reality reasserted itself. “I’m not _your_ woman.”

To her surprise, Billy smiled. “I’m a pirate, Abigail. We steal.”

Abigail caressed his face. His unshaven jaw was beautiful. She marveled that he could be so utterly masculine and still be so beautiful. His children would be beautiful. Abigail let herself imagine being his wife and having a family with him. If only it was possible. 

“I want to lie here and have you fall asleep in my arms, but I need to return to the ship soon.”

She wished it did not have to end so soon, but she would cherish this evening for the rest of her life. She wrapped herself in a robe while Billy put his clothes back on, and then he gave her the sweetest kiss farewell. When she was alone, she returned to the bed and closed her eyes, trying to pretend Billy was still with her. 

The knock on her door a few minutes later made Abigail think it was Billy, that he’d forgotten something or he’d come back for one last kiss. She quickly opened the door.

It wasn't Billy. It was Mrs. Winters, her face pinched like she’d sucked an especially sour lemon. “We must have words, Miss Ashe.”

She strode into the room without waiting for Abigail to invite her. “Your father’s solicitor employed me to be your chaperone. I regret that I have failed so completely in my duties.”

Before Abigail could feign ignorance or innocence, Mrs. Winters shook her head. “Don’t bother denying it. I can smell it. This room stinks of fornication.” 

“May I ask what prompted you to come here and make such accusations?”

“I decided to go sit downstairs in the common area for a bit, and as I passed your room, I heard sounds. Sounds that indicated what sort of activity was taking place. I suppose I should have pounded on the door and driven away the scoundrel, but I was loath to cause a scene and make your offense publicly known.”

“I am astonished, Miss Ashe. You _planned_ your dalliance. How could I have foresee this? I had not imagined a young girl capable of such a thing. A hardened adulteress could not have behaved more dishonorably.”

"I had heard the gossip, of course. But you'd seemed a good girl and I did not think it fair that you were faulted for what might have been done to you against your will. But you are no innocent and no victim. You are a scheming harlot."

Abigail had had enough. Not just of her chaperone, but of society itself. "It seems rather odd that you are paid from my own inheritance to spy upon me and insult me, does it not? You are an intelligent woman, Mrs. Winters. Tell me honestly, how does it benefit you to decry me a harlot? You will need to seek new employment, and who would hire a chaperone who failed at her duty as badly as you believe you failed at yours?"

"Are you trying to extort my silence, Miss Ashe?!" Mrs. Winters looked genuinely shocked and dismayed. She looked like she might cry. 

Abigail felt very weary. Her beautiful evening that should have been hers and Billy's alone was being spoiled. "Not at all, Mrs. Winters," she replied. "I'm suggesting we renegotiate our arrangement. I do not need a chaperone, but I would like a friend and I will settle for a companion."

"You are asking me to stay on in your service and turn a blind eye to your indiscretions."

Abigail nodded. Not that long ago she herself would have been scandalized. But she'd learned - and was still learning - that the real world was not at all simple.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Billy: "And they all believed him?"_  
>  Jacob: “I don’t think anyone actually believed it.”
> 
> \- a direct quote from Season 4 Episode 5, where Jacob tells Billy that Silver essentially sentenced him to death and no one had the nerve to defy Silver on Billy's behalf.


End file.
